


Ash Ketchum's """""Tragic""""" Death

by revenblue



Series: [series] Tales of the Narrator [8]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Old Fic, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-21
Updated: 2011-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22843453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: Written and originally posted ~April 2011, slightly edited and crossposted to ao3 February 2020.Warning for some gross stereotyping. Also some bashing-adjacent depiction of a ship.I used to be the sort of person who thought that was funny, but have since come to my senses.Keeping it feels more honest than pretending I never did that crap in the first place, but it's... it's gross.
Series: [series] Tales of the Narrator [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/746541
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Ash Ketchum's """""Tragic""""" Death

**Author's Note:**

> Written and originally posted ~April 2011, slightly edited and crossposted to ao3 February 2020.
> 
> **Warning for some gross stereotyping. Also some bashing-adjacent depiction of a ship.** I used to be the sort of person who thought that was funny, but have since come to my senses.  
> Keeping it feels more honest than pretending I never did that crap in the first place, but it's... it's gross.

Ash was walking along when he crashed into a wall. Or at least something that _felt_ like a wall.

There was no wall, by the way. There was no _anything_.

"What the [censored]?" he asked.

The Narrator likes censorship.

"I don't see anything," Pikachu said, trying to hold back laughter. "Try it again."

Ash complied and... was unable to proceed any further.

Frowning, he tried again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And...

The Narrator will stop now.

* * *

"This must be one of those invisible walls you find in video games," Ash muttered.

Pikachu couldn't hold his laughter in any longer and it bubbled out of him like a... What's a good simile? How about...

The laughter bubbled out of Pikachu like a fart in mud. That should amuse anyone immature enough to giggle at the word 'fart'. Oh, and it came with loud plopping sounds, and a sulphury smell, which also smelt kinda like a fart, and...

Oh dear.

* * *

Anyway, Pikachu was laughing. At Ash.

Ash had no idea why the Pokémon was chortling. "What's so funny?" he demanded.

"That's not a wall," Pikachu gasped between bursts of laughter. "That's the Narrator."

"What's a Narrator?" Ash asked.

Pikachu couldn't answer, as the look on Ash's face was so ridiculous. How ridiculous? Well, imagine on of those stereotypical 'slackjawed country hick' faces you see on TV. (Which is not the correct representation of country folk, by the way, or so the Narrator has been told.) Now, imagine something so stupid-looking, the 'hick face' looks smart by comparison.

* * *

A few minutes later, Pikachu's laughing had died down enough for him to answer. "A Narrator tells a story," Pikachu explained.

Ash's expression told Pikachu that the boy still didn't understand.

Pikachu sighed as he prepared to spend the next ten to fifteen minutes explaining to Ash.

* * *

It took a while (longer than Pikachu had expected, actually), but Ash finally got it. All it took was a video game example. 'Cause all teenagers play video games. Okay, most. Ash was one of them.

Fortunately not one of the hardcore gamers who are really pale from hours at the computer or whatever and barely leave the room. Toilet breaks being one of the main reasons for 'abandoning' the characters. And food. Also, they don't get much sleep cause they're too busy beating the Big Bad for the 10000110th time.

Ash wasn't that bad. He just spent his homework time on video games. Like a normal teenager.

* * *

The Narrator is going back to the story now. Just as soon as the Narrator remembers where the Narrator was up to.

Oh, yeah. Pikachu had just explained to Ash what a Narrator is. But how can he not know? He's had a Narrator following him around for years!

Though not this particular Narrator. The Board (no, not a plank of wood) has just relaxed the restraining order for that other Ash Ketchum, just in time for the Narrator to get a job narrating this Ash Ketchum after the old Narrator retired.

...Sorry.

* * *

"Narrators are storytellers?" Ash asked, (finally) comprehending.

{- ** _HEY!_** -}

Oops. Run, Pikachu! Get away before the Storyteller kills you!

{-It's not Pikachu's fault. It's Ashy-boy's.-}

"Can the Narrator kill him?"

{-Sure. But no slow and painful deaths, please. I don't want to have to clean up all the blood.-}

The Narrator pouted.

Pikachu nodded. In response to Ashy-boy's question, of course. It would make no sense the other way.

"If there really is a Narrator there, why can't I see them?" Ash asked.

{-Bad move, Ash.-}

The Narrator turned deliberately visible-

{Narrators are set to 'invisible to most' by default. So they don't interfere too much with the story. In general, humans can't see Narrators. Some animals (and Pokémon) can, though. Like Pikachu.}

-and reached for the Bazooka.

{But the Bazooka wasn't there, as it was at a family reunion. It was not enjoying itself. Who would?}

"Bleep," the Narrator muttered.

{That's the Narrator's standard swear word. And it's not even swearing. It's pretty much 'insert swear word here'.}

The Narrator searched in its pockets for the silverware set that lived (figuratively speaking) in there.

{The Bazooka had taken the knives and forks to the family reunion, since they didn't have enough cutlery.}

"Double bleep."

The Narrator reached for the Spoon.

{That was gone, too, as Mewtwo had recently reclaimed it.}

"Triple bleep."

{-Hey, listen! Narrator! There is no spoon!-}

The Narrator cringed, glaring at the Storyteller. Well, where the Storyteller _would_ be if he wasn't a disembodied voice. "Not funny."

* * *

The Narrator walked up to Ash. 

The Narrator grinned, eying the Official Pokémon League Expo Hat perched on the Trainer's head.

The Narrator knocked off the hat, de _cap_ itating Ash.

{-Ow! Never headdesk on a pencil.-}

Everyone ignored the Storyteller's misery.

Ash started turning purple.

"What's wrong with him?" Pikachu asked, poking the Trainer with a stick.

Ash collapsed.

The Narrator noticed that he hadn't breathed since his hat had been knocked off.

Ash writhed on the ground for a few seconds, before becoming unnaturally still.

The Narrator picked up the Official Pokémon League Expo Hat off the ground.

"Why is there a brain in this?" the Narrator asked, inspecting the inside.

{-Ashy-boy keeps his brain in there.-}

And, sure enough, there was a brain-shaped hole in the back of Ash's head.

It wasn't exactly brain- _sized_ , though. More peanut-sized.

* * *

Pikachu was very upset at the loss of Ash-

"No I'm not!" Pikachu protested.

"You're not?" the Narrator asked.

{-No one is.-}

"The Narrator though Pikachu would be at least slightly upset-"

"He was too stupid," Pikachu sighed.

"-and Misty would be upset when she found out-"

{-She won't be.-}

"-and the Storyteller would hate the Narrator for killing him-"

{-Actually, I don't mind.-}

"You don't?"

{-I didn't like this Ash that much.-}

"Why not?"

{-The Ash in this universe is going out with Gary. PalletShipping... not high on my list. I'm more of a PokéShipper.-}

The Narrator tried to make sense of these new terms. It failed. The Narrator shrugged, not thinking it important.

Then came the double take.

" _Gary?!_ "

{-That's what I said.-}

"The Narrator cannot believe this."

{-And Misty barely even knows who Ashy-boy is. Was.-}

"So she's not upset either?"

{-Nope.-}

* * *

A lightbulb appeared in mid-air, flashed once, and disappeared again. Coincidentally, it was above where the Storyteller's body would be if she wasn't currently a disembodied voice.

Or maybe not. We may never know. Though, as it turned out, it wasn't a coincidence.

{-I just though of something! How did you get out of Gamer Hell, anyway?-}

"Ah, well, you see, the thing about that is, um... Bye!" And the Narrator ran off. Once the Narrator was far enough away, it grew a tongue and stuck it out at the Storyteller.

As the Narrator left, it heard a sigh.

{-Storytellers can never win.-}


End file.
